Crush

Photo: zhuomu / Pinterest

Introduction

"Hey! Who's your crush?!", this is why you get shocked, someone who infatuates you, a high school sweetheart, a college sweetheart, or whatsoever. What's behind that causes you to have temporary sweet moments?

Definition

"Crush" usually refers to a strong, often temporary romantic attraction to someone, but it can also describe physical destruction or specific pop culture figures. In Romantic contexts, a strong romantic liking for someone, typically a person you are not in a relationship with. It is also used as a noun to refer to the individual you are attracted to (e.g., "I saw my crush at the library"). It had variations like "Puppy Love"

Society often views a romantic crush as a socially constructed and "Disneyfied" rite of passage that evolves across the life course. While sometimes dismissed as a "phase," modern social perspectives recognize the crush as a significant experience driven by both biological needs and cultural norms. Society primarily frames crushes as a hallmark of youth, often viewing them as practice for adult relationships. Cultural media (movies, books, social media) creates a "magical mythical romantic partner" narrative that pressures individuals to find "the one". Recent research emphasizes that crushes are not just for the young; they are common among adults in committed relationships and seniors in residential communities. 

Three Penny Press notes a societal obsession with romance, where single people are often judged as lonelier or less satisfied.  This social force prioritizes romantic love above all other connections, often making those who do not experience such attractions (like aromantic or asexual individuals) feel "broken" or pressured to conform. Societal discourse often distinguishes between a "crush" (admiring an idealized version of someone) and "love" (accepting the real person). Crushes can serve as a "test run" for compatibility, helping individuals identify shared status, lifestyle patterns, and interests.

Philippines

In the Philippines, the experience of a romantic crush is deeply tied to the cultural concept of "Kilig"—the sudden rush of excitement or "giddy" feeling one gets when encountering someone they are attracted to. This feeling is often celebrated through "Instagrammable" scenic views and traditional dating spots that heighten the romantic atmosphere. Romances often begin with tuksuhan, where friends or family tease two people to test if the attraction is mutual. A common "crush" stage where someone admires their interest from afar through meaningful glances before making a formal move. For many Filipinos, the ideal romantic partner is someone who shows love through thoughtfulness and helping, rather than just grand gestures.

Criticism

In both social and religious contexts, romantic crushes are often criticized as unstable, self-centered, or potentially harmful if they are not managed or matured into deeper forms of commitment. Critics argue that crushes involve placing a person on a "pedestal," which prevents the admirer from seeing or accepting the target's true, fallible nature. In adult contexts, having a crush while in a committed relationship is often scrutinized for its link to decreased relationship quality and potential infidelity. 

Most religious critiques focus on the distinction between fleeting "infatuation" and "godly love." Many Christian perspectives criticize crushes as being primarily pleasure-driven and focused on one's own emotional needs rather than the selfless service required in "true love" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). A common religious criticism is that intense romantic crushes can lead to idolatry, where the individual prioritizes their feelings for the crush over their devotion to God. Religions like Christianity emphasize that while attraction is natural, a "crush" is a sudden emotional spark, whereas true love is a gradual, committed investment modeled after a covenant. Some traditional religious views warn that if a person is not ready for marriage, a crush is a distraction from spiritual goals and personal development. 

Romantic relationships are cited as a primary reason for rapid drops in academic performance, as the energy required for dating often replaces study time. Early or frequent dating has been linked to increased levels of stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms compared to peers who do not engage in romantic experiences. The adolescent brain experiences a "mismatch" where the emotional center (amygdala) is highly active while the reasoning center (prefrontal cortex) is still developing, making crushes feel as intense as an addiction. Critics warn that youth often lack the maturity to identify "red flags" such as extreme possessiveness, constant check-ins, or isolating a partner from friends. 

Parental Dynamic

Experiencing a romantic youth crush is a normal part of development, but parental criticism can make it feel like a "crime" or a source of shame. Whether you are a young person dealing with judgment or a parent trying to navigate these conversations, understanding the dynamics of this criticism is key. In the Philippines, parental criticism of youth crushes is often deeply rooted in a blend of traditional conservative values, academic priorities, and a protective "parenting-as-policing" culture. 

Filipino parents frequently view romantic feelings as a "distraction" from studies. The prevalent belief is that youth should focus solely on their education to ensure a stable future for the family. Strong Catholic or religious upbringing often frames early romantic interests as premature or potentially leading to "premarital sex," which is still heavily stigmatized in many households. Parents often criticize open crushes to prevent "backstreet" (secret) dating, fearing that secrecy leads to riskier behavior. In close-knit Filipino communities, a child's romantic "entanglements" can be seen as a reflection of the parents' guidance, leading to criticism to avoid neighborhood gossip. 

Some parents use "biruan" (teasing) to downplay the intensity of the child's feelings, which can unintentionally cause embarrassment or shame. This often involves "interrogation" about the crush or imposing strict curfews and monitoring of social media/phones. In some cases, parental criticism extends to the child's appearance, with parents suggesting they aren't "pretty" or "skinny" enough for their crush, often framed as "tough love". 

Experts suggest that instead of dismissing feelings, parents should ask curious questions like "What do you like about them?" to keep communication lines open. Children are more likely to trust parents who do not "out" their crush to other family members or friends. Instead of flatly banning crushes, some families find success by linking "privileges" (like hanging out) to maintaining academic performance. 

Reference

Kotarba, J., & Couve, A. (2021). The Crush: A Proto-Romantic Relationship Across the Life Course. Innovation in Aging, 5(Supplement_1), 283–283. https://doi.org/10.1093/geroni/igab046.1095

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‌Idealizing Romantic Love Is Linked to Fear and Sadness. (2024). Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202410/idealizing-romantic-love-is-linked-to-fear-and-sadness

‌O’Sullivan, L. F., Belu, C. F., & Garcia, J. R. (2021). Loving you from afar: Attraction to others (“crushes”) among adults in exclusive relationships, communication, perceived outcomes, and expectations of future intimate involvement. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 39(2), 026540752110386. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075211038612

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‌7 Things the Bible Teaches about Love and Romance. (2017, February 13). Seedbed. https://seedbed.com/7-things-the-bible-teaches-about-romance/

‌Ballenger, M. (2022, May 20). Crushing VS. True Love: A Biblical Analysis | AGW MINISTRIES. Applygodsword.com. https://applygodsword.com/crushing-vs-true-love-a-biblical-analysis/

‌jordy.penal. (2026). Adolescence and the Teenage Crush. Scribd. https://www.scribd.com/document/844928607/Adolescence-and-the-Teenage-Crush

‌https://www.facebook.com/groups/1713616431984820/posts/24708570122062792/

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